The Zombie Plan, Or: How To Cause a Mass Panic
by Gone Rampant
Summary: Based off the Red Vs Blue PSA of the same name. Anakin's boredom is something that should never be allowed to roam free, for the sake of the Universe... Rated T for Mild Language, Small Violence and Hinted Femslash- Nothing on screen, just warning you.


_**The Zombie Plan (Planning To Fail)**_

_**Hello Star Wars the Clone Wars fans! Gone Rampant here, back on the Clone Wars fanfiction with a parody or the Red Vs Blue PSA, Zombie Plan (They're now incredibly in their ninth season) (No, Rogue won't be updated for a long time)! Or rather, some laughs, since I bought a guarantee for twenty billion *Insert currency of choice here* that this fanfic will provoke you to: (A) Smile. (B) Laugh. (C) Want to kill me*.**_

_***Guarantee only has 0.0000000000000001 success rate. **_

_**Anyway, some details about my OC, Marikane Cananvi, and two new OC's as well:**_

_***Marikane looks like Jake Gyllenhal from Prince of Persia, the Sands of Time, with darker hair and eyes. On the subject of him, in my version of the Star Wars Universe: He was Darth Revan. Yep, the big bad from, KOTOR, ladies and gentlemen, and yes, in the future, I'll cover KOTOR with him. He's also not open about him being 4500 years old, just so you know.**_

_***Around the Geonosis arc in Season 2, Marikane picks up two people: A representative of the Assassin Brotherhood called Cardak Onsali (A direct descendant or Carth from KOTOR), and Carter, a top secret super solider sent by the Republic to help Marikane out. Cardack wear's Altair's Amour from Assassin's Creed 1, and Carter wears a dark grey version of Master Chief's Armour from Halo Combat Evolved.**_

_***Barris and Ahsoka are *Sarcastic Shock!* a couple in my fanfics after Brain Invaders, just to warn you: There's nothing here, just a mention of Snips and Barris, but if you don't like it, don't read it (Homophobic assholes).**_

_**Other than that, I hope you enjoy.**_

_**Disclaimer: I own Marikane Cananvi, Cardak Onsali and Carter, LucasArts owns the Star Wars Universe, I'm just playing in their sandbox, Rooster Teeth owns the original Red Vs Blue PSA, and, well, zombies own themselves. **_

_**00000**_

Anakin was bored, and needed to focus his boredom into something creative. It then hit him like a shotgun blast: He'd pass the time by insulting his master's intelligence.

"Hey Master", he calls out to Obi-Wan as he passes by Skywalker's room. "Nobody likes you".

Obi-Wan's snarky comment died in his throat as he turns to Skywalker, raising an eyebrow.

"What are you talking about, everyone likes me", he countered, feigning surprise.

"Yeah, everybody hates you. You don't fit in", Anakin says honestly.

"Oh, here we go again. You're going to insult my ginger hair, aren't you? And also, I think I fit in just fine", Kenobi says tiredly.

"Really?" Anakin says, holding back a scoff.

"Yes!"

"OK, then let me ask you this, Master. What's your Zombie Plan?"

Kenobi looks flatly at his former Padawan, thinking he'd gone mad. "My what?" He asks after a moment of silence.

"There are two kinds of people in the galaxy, Master", Anakin says completely seriously. "Those who have a plan for when the flesh eating horde of zombies take over the Universe, and those who don't. I like calling those last people, Dinner".

"Nobody does that!" Obi-Wan exclaims.

"They do! My zombie plan is to go to Hoth with Senator Amidala, because zombies have no body heat. They'll freeze like Corpsicles, its brilliant!" Anakin says cheerfully.

"Nobody thinks about stuff like that! God, why did I leave you alone all day in front of the TV and a copy of Dead Rising when you were younger?" Obi-Wan says, putting a hand to his forehead.

"OK then. Hey, Snips!" Skywalker calls out a window to the hanger below, where Ahsoka is fixing the Twilight after Anakin somehow crashed it when touching down after a recent mission (*CoughHeWasDrunkCough*).

"What?" Tano calls out, annoyed.

"What's your zombie plan?" Anakin continues.

"I've two weeks' worth of supplies hidden under a floorboard in the Twilight", she replies instantly. "I'm gonna grab Barris and hightail it into deep space", she finishes.

"What", Obi-Wan begins, but Anakin continues, "But what happens when the two weeks are up?"

"Oh, I'm keeping that to myself", Tano says wryly. "I don't wanna risk you turning into a zombie and knowing what I'm gonna do".

"Oh come on!" Kenobi exclaims, but Ahsoka interrupts him.

"You still gonna do Hoth, Skyguy?"

"You know it!" Skywalker responds.

"You'll never make it Master," Ahsoka says, shaking her head. "The major Hyperspace lanes will be chocked up with ships from major population centres like Coruscant. It's gonna be nothing but a tasty flesh bottleneck".

"Well, I'm just gonna have to take that risk", Anakin admits.

"Good luck to you Skyguy", Tano says firmly.

"Good luck to you to, Snips".

"Are you two brain-damaged", Obi-Wan says, confused.

"Hey, what's with all this damn noise and yelling, some of us are trying to sleep", Marikane says as he comes in, annoyed.

"Oh, Marikane, thank God you're shown up", Obi-Wan says.

Marikane simply raises one of his eyebrows before Kenobi continues.

"Do you have a", at this point he clears his throat dramatically at makes finger quotes, "Begin quote, "Zombie plan", end quote?"

"A zombie plan? Of course I don't have a zombie plan, that's crazy" Marikane says, an appalled expression on his face.

"See, I told you-", Kenobi starts, before Cananvi interrupts him.

"I have one hundred different zombie plans", Marikane says completely honestly, with a hint of smugness.

Ahsoka lets out a loud whistle from the hanger, and Anakin smiles like a wolf. "Wow, now that's preparation. Well done!" he says. "I am seriously impressed, Marikane".

Anakin goes to high five him, but Marikane punches him in the face.

"Don't be, Mophead", he says, shaking his fist to get feeling back into it. "In fifty of the one hundred plans, I kill you or let the horde get you, and use your fresh corpse as bait, so I can make my initial escape from the legions of the undead!"

"Anakin gets up, rubbing his nose, but still looks flustered.

"Well, at least I know there's one plan where I-"

"And in the one hundredth plan", Cananvi interrupted smugly, "I knowingly infect myself with the zombie virus, just so I can devour you myself!"

"Marikane, you must be pulling my leg", Obi-Wan says over Ahsoka's laughter and the sound of Anakin's face paling.

At this, Marikane pulls out a pistol, aiming it square at Anakin.

"Why do you think I carry these weapons on me at all times, know so many combat arts and practise on Living Dead on Halo Reach so much, while constantly shooting at Anakin? We have to be ready to act on a moment's notice!" He shouts dramatically.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because we're in a war, and your job is kind of dangerous", Obi-Wan say sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Marikane puts the pistol away (to Anakin's relief), looking sheepish.

"Well", he admits, "I guess there is that, but mostly because of the zombies!" He ends on a dramatic note.

"Guys, with all the problems in the galaxy- Separatists, Recessions, Sith, Global Warming, I can't possibly..."

Obi-Wan slowly stops talking as loud moaning sounds are heard from outside. "What's that?" He asks.

Ahsoka looks through a window on her level, jumping in fright as she does, for she sees Cardak, Carter, Jar-Jar and Rex, all moving forward, moaning as they do arms up. "Holy crap!" She screams. "The rest of the Temple's been infected! If anyone's still alive at the end of this, I'll be making out with Barriss on the Twilight!" She leaps through an air duct as she does, leaving Marikane, Anakin and Obi-Wan in Skywalker's room.

"Hello, Padme!" Anakin shouts as he jumps through a window into Marikane's ship, the _Rogue Hawke, _and takes off, leaving Marikane running after him.

"Wait, Anakin! I need your delicious meat for most of my plans! Also, you're in my gorram ship!" He yells as the _Hawke _flies away.

At this, he comes over to Obi-Wan, smiling pleasantly.

"Say, Obi-Wan. You wouldn't mind-"

"No", Kenobi interrupts firmly, before Marikane shrugs.

"Ah well, I'll just grab one of the fat Twi'Lek Senators. They must have some juice", he murmured under his breath as he leaps through the same duct Ahsoka did.

Down with the zombies, the former Rex looks over slightly at Cardak.

"Hey Onsali, how long do we keep this up?" He whispers.

"When they all go into hiding, grab their stuff and run to the Undercity to sell it all off at the vendors so we can buy their birthday presents this year without having to rob another bank," Onsali says in a low voice.

"Brian, Mesa wants Brian", Jar-Jar says in a long drawl before falling over.

While he picks himself up, Carter hits him on the back of the head.

"Jar-Jar it's brains, not Brian", Rex hisses at the Gungan.

"Sorry! Mesa must have read the script wrong: Moaning, MMOOAANNNING", He drawls, before Carter hits him again.

"Shut up guys, they're gonna hear us, and Marikane may just shoot at us", he says.

Speak of the devil, and Marikane came out, holding a fat Senator in front of him like a security blanket.

"Take him!" He screams. "He's got juicer meat! And I'm harder to swallow!"

_**00000**_

_**How fun it was to write this. I'm surprised how easy it was to fit the Red Vs Blue Universe into the Clone Wars, but I must admit, I did this on a whim.**_

_**Anyway, review, PM, etc, just let me know what you think, and this is Gone Rampant, signing out.**_


End file.
